If Ebony met Twila
by MagicPotatoes
Summary: Mostly just wanna entertain the thought of... 'what if Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Tara Way were to get in a bloody death match with that Twila Topaz chick' Well I'll tell you what it'd be like! It'd be gothic, ridiculous and the final thing that destroys the English language as we know it! Enjoy! Disclaimer: I actually really enjoy My Immortal :O
1. Chapter 1

Hi, My name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (but I really wish I was called Tara Way because I want Gerard Way to be my brother because I so want to do him.) If you don't already know who I am then you can fuck off. I am the biggest goth ever but more importantly I am the most famous Mary Sue to ever be created by Satan. And I'm lovin' it! Those stupid preps at fan-fixcion deleted my story but then...xxx666xxx... SATAN BROUGHT ME BACK TO LIFE!11

Just kidding, some cool gothic fags put up my story on fan-sites (O-M-S I totz have a fan-base now! Fuxk you flamers!11) and they even made a page for me on encyclopedia dramatica – email me a photo of you being gothic or of some hot bi guys doin' it and I'll give you the link! (or just go look it up for yourself, you stupid preps.)

Now, I am like totz liven the fancy high life. My bloody gothic sister Raven (er I mean, Willow.) and I were smoking pot and weed in our basement – we liked the basement because it didn't have any windows which was good for us because we goths don't like da sun. OMG the sun is like such a prep, y'know how it wakes us up in the morning and like feeds all the plants of the world and sustains masses of complex lifeforms. What a bitch! Also, preps are allergic to the dark.

Anyway, we was in Longdom and we was now in COLLEGE!11 I know right? lol. Raven was studying math (despite the fact she epically failed it in Hogwartz and got expelled – but if you didn't know that already then it means you're a prep or a poser and you didn't read my original story so fuck off!11) Because we are vampires – I turned Raven into 1 – we didn't need much to survive.

Hanging on our wall behind us was the body of that pedo Snap and Loopin. After we killed Volxemort, Serious and Lucian got them and brought them back to us for us to torture some more – we love it because we are Satanists. Also, we like to suck their blood. But even though we liked to torture them, I was beginning to get bored with them. Their blood was starting to taste bad and their rotting bodies were like a pentagram (geddit?) between dog shit and Paris Hilton's bedsheets.

Today me and Willow (or was it Raven? Whatever, imma just call her Willow, lol) were sitting in our underwear on some gothic black pillows with blood red pentagrams all over them and it was black. Willow's hair was black like mine, but she had pink streaks in hers. My hair was ebony black (like the black raven's wing in the black darkness) and was put out all around my face with purple streaks in them and red tips – hahaha because my hair is better than yours Raven you fookin' bich! I was wearing a black leather thong that said "Oh My Satan I luv Draco Malfoy and Gerard Way like 4eva wood you both marry me and screw me at the wedding altar PLZZ!11" in blood red gothic stitching – custom made. And I was wearing a black leather bra too. Willow was just naked.

Just then! All of a suddenly!...

Draco!... Ran! …...IN! …...TO! …...DA …... Room!

I was so high from the coke that I didn't have time to describe his sexy gothic red eyes that he was now wearing coloured contacts on, that revealed so much emo-tasticness and depressing sorrow (that was manufactured by MnMs.) I guess he was sad because R-Patz had got the role to play OMS that totally HAWWWWWT Edword Cruxllen in the Twilight movie!111

"What's wrong you fucker?" I asked him politely.

"OMG Tara are you like back now?" He zoomed in extra close and looked into my pale blue eyes like the limpid tears of those fucker preps like Brittany and Bradley – I hate that fucking bitch. He was anal-lyzing my face really good with a magnet-frying glass. I slapped him across his sexah pale face. He looked stunned for a moment then gave me a sexy smile.

"Yeah, she's back." He said and then... WE KISSED PASSIVELY!111. Willow looked all jealous and was slitting her wrists in the corner because we looked so smexi together! Normaley we wood jump on each other and start screwing, butt I'd been finkin' (which is real hrad work btw) that maybe Draco and I were not really in love anymore. I don't even think Draco loves me, Ebony. I think he loves Tara even more – that bitch that created me. So I wanted to make him wait to see if he was in love with me or her – genius!

Anyway, he pushed me away and shouted "WTF Tara where have you been?1" he asked.

"Ma name iz Ebony, you bastard!" I said back frustratedly. Then he looked sad like a puppy.

"Im sorry honey.. But seriously, there is something really fucked up going on!" He said.

"Like what?" Willow asked, but just then I used my magic Mary Sue powers to shove her back into the void. Ah... The benefits off being the most powerful Mary Sue to ever exist – they are endless.

"Like what?" I said again, curiously.

"Well, there is this new Mary Sue being made... And the rumours say that she will be the most powerful Sue created yet!" He ejaxclimated. He pulled out the blue prints from his you-know-what and lay them on the table. And... I gasped!

To be continued...

**A/N: just a note... I am merely a fan of My Immortal for it's extensive collection of lulz, hence the creation of this fanfic. I hope you enjoy it! R&R would be appreciate! Or... fangz! ;D**


	2. Chapter 2

On the blue prints there was an ugly poser prep girl!1 She had long white hair that fell down her back and was all strait and had gold stripes in them. I gasped! Willow reappearated by my side and she was looking at the girl with her white hair that was white. Draco was watching us watching the picture. "WOw how can she bee a Mari Sue?" asked Willow in a scared voice. "She's not even gothic!1" Draco shook his head.

"The legends say she doesn't have to be a goth to be a Mary Sue. And looks like such a poser!" he said. "Anyway, the rumours say that her power is rising! We MUST protect Enoby!11" he said sexily banging his fist against the table. I moaned "Fuck off!1" I told him "I don't need your protection!1" I creamed. Willow looked concerned "Say whaaat?" She said looking all terrorfied.

"You heard me, bitch!" I said back "Just because we're girls doesn't mean we can't fight, you sexiest bastard!" I shouted back at him my voice full of angry.

Then... We fell asleep!11

The next day me and Willow flew out onto our brooms and we went into Longdom town. There were HotTopics on 1 side of the street and on the other side were shitty preppy stores like Victoria's Secret and Topshop. ME and a buunch of gothic people looked at the preppy street in disgust. It was full off preps and posers all waving at us with their ugly blonde hair and stupid grins on their super ugly faces. Me, Willow, B'loody Mary Smith, and Darkness all put up our middle fingers up at them that we were all wearing fishnets on. They were such prosers for pretending to like us and shit. They were all such fucking sluts wearing their pink mini's and ambercrombie crop tops.

Anyway, we went into HotTopic 10013 on a Sesame Street and there behind the cash register was... VAMPIRE POTTER!1 I couldn't believe it! He was looking at me in a way that said he really wanted to do it with me just then. I could totz see Darkness looking at me all evily, with a look that said she wanted 2 kill me, lol. I waved at Vampire then asked "WTF are you doing here!12" I was mad because I did not know why he was here all of a suddenly. "I work here now." said vampire all shyly. "Oh ok," I said back. I was still worried about that bitchy poser Mari Sue coming after me, butt I knew that I would be ok – I was a vampire, and I didn't have a soul anyway.

Vampire gave us some free cloths because he liked me still even though I was with Draco. After that we all walked out the store sexily and went to a gothic bar called Popoolare Nittmear. Whilst we were there we smoked cigarettes and beer, whilst we moshed to OMS MCR!1111 I gasped. Gerard was so hot filling the club with his amazing sexy voice. I almost had an orgasm. I began making out with Vampire as we moshed 2 the music. Just then... GERARD WAY WAS WALKING TO ME!11 I couldn't believe it! Me and Vampire stared at him. I knew Vampire wasn't jealous of me. I could totally see him getting an erection (A/N: BI GUYZ R LIK SO HOOTTT rite?)

Then... Gerard pulled off his mask!11 So did the other band members. It was... VOLXEMORT AND THE DEATH DEALERS!11111 "NOOOO!" I screamed all seductively. "I killed you! I shot you with..." I forgot. Had I shot him with a wand or a gun? "I shot you with da knife!" I said triumephemtly. Then Volxemort looked all sadly and began crying gothic tears of red blood down his faeces.

I gasped "OMG what's wrong Vlodemorte?" asked Willow concernedly. "Satan brought me back to protect you Ebony" he said all sensitevly. "Thou must kill Twila Beatiful Topaz Cullen." he said. "Why" I asked. Who was that bitch? "Satan told me that would be the name of your newest enemy. She will come and she will destroy the very fabric of our universe! She must be stopped!1" I gasped. "How?" Suddenly Volxemort looked all sheepy "I didn't get that part..." We all looked at him disfustedly. "Well if you wanted honesty, that was all you had to say." said Volxemort. "That's an MCR song you poser prep!" yelled Vampire. He was mad at Volxemort because he'd told me to kill Vampire before.

Volxemort then looked all shocked at Vampire and then... LUCIAN AND SERIUS CAME!1 They flew in on their brooms shouting curses at Volxemort and the Death Dealers. Volzemort ran around the stage on his high heels. Then he flew away angrily on his broom. I was so scared because Volxemort was back. But I wondered if maybe he would help us to defeat Tweela. I went to the bar and got some human blood mixed with beer. Vampire came to comfort me "It's ok" he said putting his arm around all protective. He was crying blood in a gothic way.

Vampire was wearing a black baggy Marilyn Manson tee-shit and baggy black skater pants. His hair was all messy and black with red streaks in them. He had manly stubble on his chin and gothic red eyes that he was wearing coloured contacts. He didn't have glasses anymore and his scar was no longer in the shape of a lightening bolt. Instead it was a pentagram which he was covering up with foundation. He was wearing black eyeliner and black lipstick with a lip ring. His faced looked so smexi like Joel Maden.

Suddenly I heard my phone ring. The ring tone was the song "Da Cronicles of Lif an Death" by MCR. I looked at my gothic black mobile. The caller was... UNKNOWN!11

To be continued...

**A/N: Done! Phew! Hopefully I'll be able to keep doing regular updates with this one, probably once a week like with my other fics. Although I do get stuck for ideas frequently. Either way I hope you guys are finding this tribute fairly entertaining. I know I ought to work on some more jokes that aren't just referencing lines and other antics from My Immortal. Though I think I've got her Writing Style (or lack of) nailed down pretty well ^_^ Let me know if there's anything I can add to the plot or build upon to make this parody as awesome as it can be! Fangz!**


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